Two weeks ago, Ohio father Matt Cox made headlines after he published a video of his daughter, Kirsten, walking five miles to school in 36-degree weather. The long, chilly walk was the 10-year-old’s punishment for bullying another student on the bus.
After school officials suspended Cox’s daughter from riding bus, the father decided to teach her a lesson — in public.
The video he filmed of Kirsten walking to school quickly went viral, with more than 22 million views and 8,400 comments. Parents across the country have been chiming in on whether the dad did the right thing, and their feelings varied.
Read the full story here.
Many comments were supportive of the dad’s way of combating bullying behavior.
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“As a parent and a former teacher, it honestly was good to see someone hold their child accountable for their actions,” Jessica Heflin wrote on Facebook.
Commenter Darleen Bettencourt agreed. “You are doing exactly what all our kids need. It’s called discipline and you are an awesome parent. Kudos to you sir,” she wrote.
Other parents and viewers criticized Cox’s public shaming of his daughter.
“This breaks my heart,” Susie Prestidge wrote on Facebook. “Children who demonstrate challenging behavior are the ones in most need of adult support and understanding, not humiliation.”
John Fitzgerald also voiced concern in the comments. “Yes she needs to learn her lesson, but filming her and putting her on blast on Facebook can also be considered [bullying] on his part.” he wrote. “Maybe instead of slowly driving behind her, filming and ranting, a walk with her to teach her about why bullying isn’t ok would have been a little more effective.”
Linda and Ty Hatfield, authors of the new book “Parent Shift — Ten Universal Truths that Will Change the Way You Raise Your Kids” and parenting workshop teachers, agree with those who feel Cox took things to far.
They wrote, “Punishment is a quick fix and does seem to work in the moment. However in the long run, [when] it doesn’t really work, many times schools and parents will increase the punishment. So it becomes a vicious cycle. The real issue or cause of the behavior is not being addressed, so the child will get worse or just change to a more dysfunctional coping mechanism.”
One particular problem the pair identified was the public nature of the punishment. “Putting the video on social media is inappropriate and demeaning, shaming and humiliating the girl. Her treatment by the school and parent are making the situation much worse,” they said.
So why are so many parents on Cox’s side, applauding his punishment and video? “The positive comments from the community at large are mostly based on feeling better that the aggressor is being dealt with in a harsh way,” the Hatfields say. “Many of us have been bullied in the past so it is natural to feel a sense of righteousness when seeing a bully being punished.”
Still, the authors ultimately believe this father made the wrong decision.
“What the bully and the bullied need is adults who can see beyond the behavior or tip of the iceberg and be curious and interested in what is below the tip of the iceberg or what is causing the behavior,” they note. “Once we know what is causing the behavior we can get to the root of the problem and then begin to resolve the issue from there.”
I understand that while this form of punishment is not my style, parents sometimes need to offer consequences for their kids’ mistakes. However, do we really need to use social media to drive home a message? Let us know your thoughts in the comments, below.
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