Late-night hosts have weighed in on the latest evidence against Donald Trump and the state of his 2020 campaign.
Samantha Bee
On Full Frontal, Samantha Bee addressed the current polling that places Joe Biden out front with Trump and Elizabeth Warren close behind. “If this polling pattern continues then we could be in a repeat of 2016 with Trump defeating the candidate who gets more votes,” she warned.
Bee spoke about the staggering amount of money that Trump supporters have contributed towards his campaign even though he still doesn’t have an opponent. These funds have only increased during the impeachment inquiry. “Nothing gets Trump’s elderly supporters sloppy in the dungarees like their president facing impeachment,” she said.
Bee also brought up Trump’s successful merchandise. “Trump has even found a way to make money from his colossal fuck-ups,” she said before using examples of mistakes that were then turned into sellable items.
Trump is also mining data from merchandise sales, helping his team to realise who his most devoted fans are. “It’s how they found out their key demographic is world’s worst white people,” she joked.
Bee continued: “Whether we like it or not, Trump is a money-making juggernaut. This should scare the crap out of his opponents.”
Stephen Colbert
On The Late Show, Stephen Colbert spoke of news that public impeachment hearings will officially start on 13 November: “Next Wednesday: hump day, wouldn’t want to be Trump day.”
This week has seen more damning information from the former US ambassador to Ukraine Bill Taylor who has stated that there was a quid pro quo plotted between Trump and Volodymyr Zelenskiy. “The president has been saying no quid pro quo all this time and now his own diplomat is saying yeah huh pro quo,” he said. “What else has the president been lying about? Is Mexico not gonna pay for the border wall? Would he not date Ivanka if she wasn’t his daughter?”
During the transcript, Taylor claims that discussions about how to stop the president from withholding aid to the Ukraine were delayed because they were dealing with the issue of buying Greenland at the time to which the chairman asking the questions responded that it was a different and disturbing issue. “No, same reason and you’re about to impeach him,” Colbert said.
Despite having previously said that he would be open to taking onboard any evidence of wrongdoing, Lindsey Graham has now said that he won’t be reading these later transcripts. “Graham is clearly working through the five stages of Republican impeachment grief: anger, denial, won’t read, can’t read, no hablo inglés,” Colbert joked.
Trevor Noah
On The Daily Show, Trevor Noah spoke about Elizabeth Warren and how she has been suggesting “some of the most progressive financial policies in years”.
It’s led to some fear from those on Wall Street who are claiming the stock market will tank if she becomes president but the same fears were aired before Obama and Trump to no avail. “It’s been going up for 10 years because you see in many ways, the stock market is a lot like a penis,” he said. “There are many situations where you swear it’s gonna be down but, surprise, surprise, it just keeps rising and nobody knows why.”
Hedge fund titan and billionaire Leon Cooperman was brought to tears on CNBC recently when discussing Warren’s thoughts on the ultra-wealthy. “You’re a billionaire who’s crying because Elizabeth Warren is criticising billionaires?” he said. “Would you like a tissue? Get the fuck out of here!”
He continued: “The only time you should be crying if you’re a billionaire is when a ghost teaches you the meaning of Christmas.”
Seth Meyers
On Late Night, Seth Meyers also spoke about the growing evidence against Trump. “Trump probably commits crimes the way people with Fitbits get in their steps,” he joked.
He brought up the latest evidence and said: “This is like if during the OJ trial, they not only had the gloves but dozens of witnesses, a tape of OJ confessing and a note inside the gloves that says, ‘If found at crime scene return to OJ Simpson, the murderer.’”
Trump has called for the whistleblower to go public and has claimed that he or she has disappeared. “Trump’s like a dog who thinks the tennis ball just disappeared because you rolled it behind the couch,” Meyers joked.
He’s also insisted that the whistleblower testify in person with written answers not being acceptable although Trump provided his answers to the Mueller investigation in writing and has claimed that he wrote the answers himself. “If Trump had written the answers, they’d be full of misspellings,” Meyers said. “Trump has misspelt his wife’s name, his own name, the word country and the word Republicans.”
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